Archive for Relationship with Self
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known
By · CommentsPicture in your mind an infant. This child is fast asleep in bed, nestled amongst soft velvety blankets. The fresh scent of baby powder and shampoo permeates the room and next to you are the sounds of a soothing lullaby from a music box on the dresser. Slowly, the child begins to stir. First an arm is stretching; tiny fingers appear one by one until the soft delicate hand comes into full view. Next a leg gently kicks and in the process you hear a soft coo. As the child’s eyes open, a smile begins to spread across her face.
When you imagine this child what are some of the feelings and words that come into your mind?
Do you smile?
Does your body relax and sigh?
Do words flow through your mind like precious, or beautiful?
Do you see this child as worthy, innocent, loveable, pure?
Now, I want you to imagine this child is you. Do your thoughts or feelings change? If they changed, how did they change and why?
We are each deserving, unique and deeply loveable people. It is our essence, the core of who we are, and it is our true nature. If you have a hard time believing you, or others, could think of you in this light, face the abyss, take a leap of faith and jump back into your own arms. One way you can do this is to sit quietly and begin to peel back the layers of beliefs, or mis-beliefs you have accumulated about yourself. Be curious; find what lies beneath the negative tapes in your mind. As you journey to your core you will find your uniqueness and lovablity, and much more.
“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” Carl Sagan
When we are first born we have what Shunyru Suzuki calls a “beginner’s mind.” We see our world for the first time, daily. We marvel in what we find; we are open and excited, and when we are in need we seek solace. As we grow we are taught, by our families, culture and society, to think critically of ourselves as well as others. Over time we begin to question ourselves, am I good enough? Did I do that right? We begin to worry about how others perceive us. It is through these fears and the resulting confusion that we can begin to separate from ourselves, from our true nature. As we separate we begin to build a false self, an image who we believe we “should” be. Our false self is our protection; an armor we wear so that we can project the self we believe will be accepted by others.
“What can we gain by sailing to the moon
if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us
from ourselves?
This is the most important of all voyages of discovery
and without it, all the rest are not only useless,
but disastrous.”
-Thomas Merton
To build, or maintain, a connection to the essence of who we truly are, strengthens our ability to connect deeply in our relationships with others and to our world. When we love ourselves, we can truly believe that another can love us also. From here we are able to receive the love of another through the eyes of a “beginner’s mind,” open and excited, marveling in the moment.
Alison
“I” is the most intimate of words
By · CommentsTo want to connect with others is instinctual; we are social beings to the core. How we behave, what we do in a large part is driven by our desire to be seen and heard, connected and accepted for who we truly are. These connections, our relationships with others are one of the ways we measure how satisfied we are with our lives. To many this is the ultimate measure.
If relationships are at the heart of how we measure our happiness, then it would give to reason that the most important relationship we will have in our lifetime is the one we have with our self; our relationship with “I.” “I” is the most intimate of all our relationships; we are with ourselves every moment that we are alive. The more we like who we are, the happier we will be. The more we like ourselves, the more willing we are to share of ourselves and in turn we are able to create deeper, more satisfying relationships with others. To like and to love who we are truly increases the quality of our lives.
“I” is the most intimate of words, and the most intimate of worlds, for each of us has a very rich, lively and at times self-sabotaging inner world. Liking and loving ourselves is important to our overall satisfaction with our lives, and when we honor our own uniqueness we reinforce a positive self-perception of ourselves. Define yourself. Accept no one else’s definition of who you are. Take what others say about you as information. Catch it, examine it and determine if there is truth in what was said and if not let the words drop away. The following are five ways to honor yourself and the life you are living:
- Determine what your values and core beliefs are. When we live in alignment with our values we are living our lives with integrity and self-respect.
- Offer yourself compassion. We are often quick to offer compassion to others while for some reason we are much harder on ourselves. When we offer compassion to ourselves we are acknowledging our own self-worth.
- Loving what is. When we can love “what is,” that which is in front of us and within us, we learn and earn unconditional love, and when we understand we cannot control the world or others, we can learn to “let go.” Through the act of letting go, we provide space in our lives to find peace and joy; we become alive in our life.
- Be willing to take responsibility for your life. We are responsible for what we do and what we say. Taking responsibility for our own life, we feel better about who we are, our self-esteem and self-respect increases, and we enhance our ability to enjoy our lives and all that is important to us.
- Create a ritual to honor yourself. A ritual is something you do regularly for yourself, something you enjoy, something that brings a smile to your face and a sense of peace and meaning to your day. Some people take a morning walk as their ritual, using it as time to reflect and connect to the earth, someone else may take 15 minutes every day to sit and write, just allowing their thoughts to flow onto paper without judgment or editing themselves. Honor your uniqueness, find something you enjoy and create a ritual for yourself, you might be surprised at what it brings to your daily life.
We are each similar yet unique human beings, like snowflakes no two of us are identical. We are each like a piece of a puzzle. When our pieces come together we create the world around us, what I like to call beauty in motion. When we can honor our own uniqueness and bring the best of ourselves forward we create a breathtaking world.
Alison
